We change

We do, we change. We don't realise it until one day we wake up, turn over and remember that, yes, it is a different time, a different place, and indeed we are not the reckless person we were once. I look back at photos of myself when I first got together with Jef over 7 years ago, and although I (obviously) recognise the face smiling at the camera I also remember how I felt at the time when the pictures were snapped, and it feels somewhat foreign to me now.

Who was she? Who was this crazy girl?

Actually, she wasn't that much different to the person I see now, only back then she was muddled up. She was still trying to find the meaning of life, and she really did think there was such a thing that could be found. She thought if she looked hard enough the answer would be there, and then she would be happy.

She searched for it at the bottom of bottles, inside Fluoxetine capsules, through pages of Shakespearean text (especially the renowned Hamlet soliloquy), behind closed doors of psychotherapy sessions where the psychiatrists needed as much help as the patient talking to them.

People around her thought she had it together. She was good at that.

She looked good behind the shield, the mask that says "I feel great today" and then takes another drag of her cigarette and chugs down yet another energy drink.

The only thing she nurtured back then were cats she met on streets, because there was no way she was capable of looking after anything/anyone else.

I was just a girl back then; a child playing dress-up in an adult's body pretending to be a grown-up. Now I've metamorphosed into a woman, a mother, a caring partner. We change, we really do.

Inspired by this post for Lyrical Sunday.