Eight

We had gone to bed really early the night before. It was not yet half past eight and the child was already showered and brushed. Plus he had sellotaped a note to the bedroom door stating that no one could enter until it was his bedtime. So of course it was his bedtime! He had surprised me by making the bed and tidying the room, and he went into great detail explaining how he did it, and why. “Because I love you, and you like surprises, and I like to surprise you.”

I was tossing and turning through the night, and woke up at almost 3am. Wow, this time 8 years ago I held him in my arms for the first time, and now here we are, lying like logs side by side, sometimes like out stretched branches that interlock and catch on one another through the rythm of slumber and restlessness. We sometimes switch beds 2 or 3 times in a single night as he likes the security and closeness of my arms blanketing him. I’m torn between feeling smothered and feeling loved, but I know this time in our lives is very brief.

I sang happy birthday to him this morning when we woke up. His face lit up and he threw his arms around my neck and schmooshed his face up against mine. “I really love you, Mummy.””You know, 8 years ago you made me a mummy.”

Jef surprised him this morning with a giant helium balloon in the form of the letter K. “K for Kien!” We FaceTimed Jef and he said he needed to explain the presents that were wrapped up under the balloon. I suggested that maybe Kien might want to open his presents when daddy got home. He agreed wholeheartedly.

My darling, Kien. It’s been a big year of growth, and I love watching him blossoming in front of me. I love getting texts from him.

I love how he waves to me every single morning from his classroom window until we can’t see each other anymore.

I love finding notes that says “to mummy” and inside the folded up paper are these drawings.

He’s a sweet little boy who grinds his teeth and thrashes around in his sleep. He loves his beyblades, Donald Duck cartoons, Dr Seus stories, YouTube, berries, spotty bananas. He’s feisty and makes up the silliest of jokes. He is a Kien, the Kien, our Kien, my little kiwi koala...and he is now Eight!

And so I run...

It's pretty hard to escape my head. I'm an over thinker from way back and tend to analyse stuff to the enth degree, which, despite it sounding like I'm a brain box that processes information in unique life giving ways, it's in fact the opposite. Draining, life sucking, endless looping of absolute tediousness. I've suffered this ailment for as long as I can remember, but I didn't recognise it to be a hindrance until later on in my life...especially when it's stopping me from sleeping. I go through bouts of insomnia often; so much so that I've got enough teas, potions, lotions, and herbal remedies in my cupboards to make a small donkey happy (or maybe not so happy, depending on the particular donkey's personality type).

My best remedy however is exercise. I do it because I want to sleep. I also do it because I love to eat, but mainly because I have to sleep. But here I am, running like a beast whenever I get a chance, and here I am, wide awake at 2:07am. I've got a lot on my plate at the moment, but nothing unusually unpleasant or tricky...just the same old, same old juggling as one does when trying to orchestrate a bunch of people to get a task done. It's like herding cats!

I'm not upset or anything. I don't even have anything particularly interesting to think about. I'd just like it that I'm not tired from catching only a few zzzzz per night.

Anyway, seeing as I'm sorta talking about running here are some photos from my training sessions over winter.

















Right, time for a cuppa. Chamomile, anyone?

Honesty vs over-sharing

I flicked back on a few of my blog posts recently and I realised that they sound a lot more upbeat than what I've been experiencing on the inside. That is the conflict I have here on this blog. I often present the best side of our life here. I am conscious that family and friends are reading, and I don't want anyone to be worrying about me (and really, you don't need to worry about me after reading this!) - hence I hold back on pouring out my er, um, stuff/neuroses/internal dialog. Some of it sneaks through, and sometimes I want to write and share more of myself, but it's a fine line between being honest online and over-sharing. So what ends up in my blog posts is a snippet, a fraction of what is going on, and it more or less comes across like we are always happy and our life is bliss. Man, I wish that is the truth, all of the time. But this is life. This is a normal part of the ups and downs of being human, and I pretty much only ever want to recount the good times here, because that's what I want to remember and document. That is authenticity too. If I want to pour my guts out online I need to do it elsewhere, not here on my family blog.

Lately the best part of my life has been parenting Kien, and a close second is being Jef's partner. Both those aspects are the most important, right?







Oh, and this is pretty exciting.


Before any work has been done to our new house.

Work in progress.

More on that later, sometime.

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

All of a sudden I see my son growing up before my eyes. It's frightening how fast we've transitioned to this point.

We are very lucky our dwelling is so close to some awesome parks and playgrounds, not to mention Kien's daycare just across the road. It's pretty awesome to be so close to the central city, and yet we are surrounded by leafy trees, and just down the road is 8 hectares of open space. Western Park - otherwise known as Our Park, according to Kien. He's been coming here for as long as he can remember.

Ever since we gave Kien his balance bike for his 4th birthday he's been riding it to and around the park. Here's where I hear the soundtrack to Fiddler on the Roof.

Is this the little girl I carried?
Is this the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older
When did they?

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears.

OMG I sang that when I was at Intermediate! Now I want to cry.


Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the years.


Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers.


Blossoming even as we gaze.






He stopped to befriend a man and his helicopter. What's new?

~~~~~

One of the teachers from daycare wrote a learning story about Kien and sent it to us a few weeks ago. It is so good to see how much of an interest they take in developing the children. Here's what Melissa had to say.

Paper Planes

This morning you were interested in making a paper plane, Kien. You had a piece of paper in hand. I asked you how you were going to do this, and you replied, "I know, we'll get the paper plane book." You knew just where it was as you led me to the high shelf, and spotted it out of so many books lined up.

We sat on the couch together and you looked through the book. It was full of instructions on how to make lots of different paper planes, and you chose the one you wanted to make.




The instructions for making the plane were quite complex, so we talked about how to follow the steps and what the different symbols meant. I encouraged you to have a go but you were a little unsure. We talked through each step, and I helped you with one side of the plane, while you watched and tried the other side. This gave you more understanding of the step required.


As you looked at the book and your piece of paper you said "Ah, fold it, fold it," as if you were making connections between the book and the 3D model.


What learning do I think is happening here?

Kien is again exploring his interest in construction. It is great to see this interest weaved into different curriculum areas and materials. While the instructions for making the planes are quite tricky, Kien persevered and he seemed to enjoy the opportunity to construct in this way.

Opportunities and possibilities?

We will make this book available to Kien. Other children have also started engaging in this interest so this may be a good way to encourage a small group to work together and share their knowledge to achieve their goal.

~~~~~

At Grey Lynn Park there is a paddling pool that is perfect for kids to splash around on a hot summer day. I took Kien there the other day. He loved it.





He sat in the sun to warm up again after being in the pool for ages. He wanted to sit by himself, he told me.





He found a branch of agapanthus on the ground when he was exploring and brought it back to me. "Here, Mummy. I found these beautiful flowers for you", he said.



Sunrise, sunset, swiftly fly the years. One season following another, laden with happiness and tears.

A bagful of moments

I could cry and I could sing, both at the same time, because the emotions both feel so similar in how they make me feel sometimes. This is what being Kien's mother is like. Its been a roller coaster, no doubt about it, and I've had times when we've created amazingly incredible memories, as well as moments when I'm in the depths of despair. This boy of mine is now four, and yet I still see a baby in those eyes that look at me innocently when he needs me for something.



It's dangerous business watching iPads in bed!

Most nights I get woken up by little arms that wrap around my neck so tightly I have to move my position to ensure I don't get strangled. He presses his face against mine, and in his 3/4 asleep state utters softly, "Mummy, cuddle, cuddle". As he drifts back to sleep we lie all contorted with arms and legs and bodies wrapped around each other like we're conjoined, and although I've been disturbed from my deep slumber to be put into this position I don't really mind, and I'm released from his grip when he slips into his sleep cycle 30 seconds later.



When he's just waking up in the morning I can feel his hand searching for me, and when he has found me he flings his body in my general direction until he is practically on top of me. He hates it when I roll over and show him my back, and he says to me, "Mummy, I want you to turn this way", or he asks for cuddles.



He sometimes tells us what Koala says he wants to do, like, "Koala said he wants to watch Peppa Pig in bed because he is very very tired today...and he's hungry and wants some milk now."





He sometimes comes running over to me and gives me a cuddle and a kiss randomly.



He told the babysitter the other night he wanted to speak to me before he went to sleep, so they called me and he and I had a conversation about him going to sleep and us seeing each other later in the evening.



He called me over to show me what he had drawn in the sand. It was a ladybug (left) and a stick insect (a very fat one by the looks of things on the right).

If I want to make sure he comprehends what I'm saying I always ask him, "do you understand?" and if he says yes I get him to explain what he understands. His vocabulary is massive now, and he is very good at articulating himself.



He has a wonderment for rocket ships and space and the planets and the stars. He recognises images of Jupiter, Saturn and Earth. He looks up at the night sky and talks about the beautiful moon and how there looks like a dinosaur or dog living there. He also tells me he would like to go there, and that maybe we can live there too. I say to him that someday it was possible, and maybe that someday might happen for him. I hope so.



These are the moments that I don't want to forget, and as he turns another year older I write a post like this so I can lock in all those feelings and the sentimentality that they bring as I see my son growing out of baby/toddler/post toddler and into the little boy before me.

Long Sơn Pagoda

Sure it's a tourist attraction with a giant white Buddha that looms large high on a hill and one has to climb 152 odd steps to see it. If you've seen one pagoda you've seen them all, right?

From my grandparents house (which was confiscated by the government when they left Vietnam) the Buddha was clearly visible up on this will, and a constant reminder of my family's personal loss as a result of the infamous Tết Offensive in 1968.

Tết is a huge festival; new year, new moon, first day of Spring, optimism. It's also a time when the Viet Cong knew everyone would be in celebration mode and vulnerable, and a period when no attacks were supposed to take place due to a prior agreement to "cease fire". My uncle, my dad's eldest brother, went to the Long Sơn Pagoda that night in 1968 and never came home. My grandmother sent my dad up to the temple the following afternoon, and this was where my dad found him.



He had been kneeling and praying in front of the Buddha, and unbeknownst to him and other worshippers the Viet Cong were hiding inside the base, waiting to ambush. My dad found his body, slumped over but still in the kneeling position. My father was 20 years old, and he peeled his brother off the stone floor, put him on the back of his scooter and took him home. My dad was now the eldest child, and the responsibilities for the entire family rested on his shoulders from that point on.