I could cry and I could sing, both at the same time, because the emotions both feel so similar in how they make me feel sometimes. This is what being Kien's mother is like. Its been a roller coaster, no doubt about it, and I've had times when we've created amazingly incredible memories, as well as moments when I'm in the depths of despair. This boy of mine is now four, and yet I still see a baby in those eyes that look at me innocently when he needs me for something.
It's dangerous business watching iPads in bed!
Most nights I get woken up by little arms that wrap around my neck so tightly I have to move my position to ensure I don't get strangled. He presses his face against mine, and in his 3/4 asleep state utters softly, "Mummy, cuddle, cuddle". As he drifts back to sleep we lie all contorted with arms and legs and bodies wrapped around each other like we're conjoined, and although I've been disturbed from my deep slumber to be put into this position I don't really mind, and I'm released from his grip when he slips into his sleep cycle 30 seconds later.
When he's just waking up in the morning I can feel his hand searching for me, and when he has found me he flings his body in my general direction until he is practically on top of me. He hates it when I roll over and show him my back, and he says to me, "Mummy, I want you to turn this way", or he asks for cuddles.
He sometimes tells us what Koala says he wants to do, like, "Koala said he wants to watch Peppa Pig in bed because he is very very tired today...and he's hungry and wants some milk now."
He sometimes comes running over to me and gives me a cuddle and a kiss randomly.
He told the babysitter the other night he wanted to speak to me before he went to sleep, so they called me and he and I had a conversation about him going to sleep and us seeing each other later in the evening.
He called me over to show me what he had drawn in the sand. It was a ladybug (left) and a stick insect (a very fat one by the looks of things on the right).
If I want to make sure he comprehends what I'm saying I always ask him, "do you understand?" and if he says yes I get him to explain what he understands. His vocabulary is massive now, and he is very good at articulating himself.
He has a wonderment for rocket ships and space and the planets and the stars. He recognises images of Jupiter, Saturn and Earth. He looks up at the night sky and talks about the beautiful moon and how there looks like a dinosaur or dog living there. He also tells me he would like to go there, and that maybe we can live there too. I say to him that someday it was possible, and maybe that someday might happen for him. I hope so.
These are the moments that I don't want to forget, and as he turns another year older I write a post like this so I can lock in all those feelings and the sentimentality that they bring as I see my son growing out of baby/toddler/post toddler and into the little boy before me.
